Self pitying rant

I’m feeling pretty depressed, everything seems to be a struggle at the moment. For a while everything was so perfect, I have great friends, a wonderful boyfriend, a roof over my head, and best of all, I was finally starting to be successful at what I do.

Now everything is changing. My best friend is moving away, miles and miles away, I’ll be living alone, away from my other friends and worst of all I’m no longer being successful at what I do.

My friends often offer words of comfort such as “we are in the middle of a recession you know!” but I can’t help feeling like I’ve done something wrong. How can it go so dramatically from one end to the other? Being self employed is great and I love living with the knowledge that I’m earning money to support myself and live off, from a business that I’ve built completely from scratch. But I swear the lack of stability will never stop causing me trauma!

I know that this is what I should expect. I know that to make something like this truly successful, it takes years and years of hard work and commitment. And I know that the majority of people in the western world tend to give up on something if it doesn’t work straight away, they expect everything to be easy or to be done for them. I also know that very few people have as much dedication or determination as I do. But you have to wonder, how long will it be, how many years of feeling this amount of worry and panic every time sales are slow before I reach the next level? Before I feel a bit more comfortable? Does it ever actually end?